At this moment, I have officially been the mom of a beautiful biracial baby girl for 3 months and 1 week.
And it goes without saying, that this has been one of the greatest adventures of my life so far.
I thoroughly enjoy waking up every morning, feeding her, cuddling for a bit, and then getting her ready for the day.
I love returning home from work because I know that I get to see her precious face.
And I’ll even be bold enough to say that I love her cries – well except when I’m making a valiant attempt to sleep 😉.
I truly am soaking up every moment.
But let me tell you, I am STILL getting accustom to all these unexpected emotions!!
Especially the eye-opening feeling I experienced recently as a black mom of a biracial kid.
My Emotional Wreck of a Day
Hey! This is really random. Do you ever feel ugly compared to your biracial children?
It was a message I sent to a mom friend of mine around 7 AM yesterday.
You see, I had woken up, looked over at my baby girl laying next to me and thought to myself how beautiful she was.
However, in the same train of thought, I told myself that I was not, and from that moment on, this overwhelming feeling of ugliness paralyzed me.
As I got ready to go to work, I began to cry uncontrollably.
In my current mental state, I got frustrated with my hair, I felt even more ashamed of my teeth – my biggest insecurity, and I could barely put effort into what to wear.
I was an emotional wreck.
Maybe it was my hormones? I mean, I’m still getting back to myself post-pregnancy.
But that wasn’t it.
To quote my mom friend, it was this dangerous thought that tends to run through your mind as a black mom of a biracial kid where you believe that “your kid’s beauty comes from their dad or their dad’s side of the family, and has nothing to do with you.”
Sounds crazy right? But this isn’t as farfetched as you think.
As a black mom who can’t physically see how my kid resembles me, every time someone comments on how beautiful my baby girl is, it reinforces this negative self talk.
And yesterday was the first day I realized how much this hurt my soul.
Now Let Me Make This Clear…
Don’t get it twisted!
I’m not saying that I don’t want anyone to compliment my kid.
In fact, my husband and I always tell her how beautiful she is every day!
What I am addressing, though, is the hidden struggle that black moms of biracial kids experience.
It feels like a catch 22!
We are struggling with how society has trained us to view darker skin and the features that tend to accompany it, in addition to a lack of knowing how to navigate our self-love in this new role of our lives.
True Self-Love & Self-Acceptance As A Mom Of A Biracial Kid
Thankfully, my tears dried up and my day got better despite my emotional meltdown.
That was mostly due to encouraging words from a couple moms who have experience with the emotion I described.
Via heartfelt conversations, they helped me to see that overcoming this feeling of ugliness lies in truly loving and accepting myself.
As a black mom of a biracial kid, I need to be kind to me!
I need to extend the same amount of grace and encouragement that I would offer to my family, friends and coworkers to myself.
And to make it even more personal, I need to love myself in the same way I would advise my daughter to if she had shared similar feelings of insecurity with me.
So today, I have made the decision to tell myself everyday:
Tamara, you are BEAUTIFUL.
And if you’re a mom of biracial kids, I hope you join me as well!
P.S. Just A Little Reminder For Moms Who Are Experiencing What I Described
Remember that you don’t need to feel ashamed for succumbing to your negative self talk.
There’s no shame in that.